Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize