I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
