I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
