we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
