You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
