You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
