nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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