I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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