I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
