i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
