# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
