life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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