He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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