sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
