Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
