So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
