hotel room ftw
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize