HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
