idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
