that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
