Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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