I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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