totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize