When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You can't special order awesome
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
