i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize