I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
