I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
