Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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