I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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