Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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