p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
