Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
