I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
