Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
