Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
