I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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