I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
