Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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