I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
