it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
