marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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