He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
