I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
