I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
