Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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