Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize