Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
