You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
