that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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