i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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