maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
