He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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