I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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