At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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