So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
