Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
