I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
