Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
