when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
