Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
