You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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