So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
