I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
