guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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