why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
