Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She tied me up with her honor cords...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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